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Retreat not from Hope, My child

I’m waiting for my miracle–
the one You’ve charged me
not to cease
hoping for and
expecting.
But I’m not sure
how much longer I can
hold onto
the words of promise
You’ve placed within me.
The journey’s
been long
and the steep climb
has more than frightened me.
Day after day
of determining
to walk in a direction
my heart resists
has driven me to the end
of my resolve.
I don’t know how to press on
without a fresh infusion
of your grace.
I want to see the fullness
of what You have in mind,
but I also tremble
at how different
it will likely be
from what
I wish.

My child,
how well
I know
your anxieties–
your wondering
about the goodness of
My plans.
I want you to know,
that no matter what
your doubts,
I can handle your heart
in everything it lacks of trust.
The differences between us
are not a gap I ask you
to bridge for us
by yourself.
I feel, with you, your desire
for an easier path
than this.
Yet, do not think
that I have
misunderstood your needs
because I have not
given you comfort
to the extent that you would like.
You are still Mine,
forever.
And I will not let
that fail to be a blessing
to you
all your days.

Now I know that You are good

You are good
and it’s taken me
so long
to see.
Thank You for peeling
back the layers
of my unbelief–
as painful as it’s been–
to let the healing
light of Your truth
shine in.
You are good,
and patient to remove
every doubt
from me.

In pain I’ve found You

Help me with everything
I cannot see
but doubt You concerning
anyway.
I am not a faithful believer,
and yet You continually
give me faith to
make it through
each day.
You have stretched me
to degrees
that, from a distance,
I would have judged
as cruel,
but up close have come
to understand as grace.
You have taught me how my salvation
is found not in comfort,
but in pain that is redeemed.
Thank You for proving to me
in every season
that
You
are the
object
of everything I walk through!

U up?

It’s an hour past midnight
when my phone emits
a silent beam
of light,
announcing
the arrival of
a new text.

It’s not what I was
expecting–I
thought all my
conversations were
over for the night.

Part of me wonders
if it’s necessary
for me to respond
before morning,
but then, I can’t
really answer that
without at least
taking a minute to
investigate.

With an itty-bitty
sum of characters,
a quiet question
is posed:

u up?

The request rouses
my curiosity.
What’s going on here,
Lord?
I ask, as
my heart breaths
anticipation.

The message I send
in response becomes
an offering both
to the person
seeking me
and to the God I seek:

Yes! What’s up?

Whether the problem
be big or small,
I will extend whatever
He gives
in the hopes that
this night He will
be more deeply
known than if
this interaction
had never been.

Lord, I want…whatever is more of You!

God, I want to be
in tune with You,
to pick up
the message
You’re communicating
through the details
of my life;
I want to separate
the meaning that’s
important to You
from the medium
that is difficult
to accept for me.
I want to receive You
in whatever way
You present Yourself,
never insisting that
I am above accommodating
myself to You
in whatever way
is necessary.
Whatever way You
choose to work in my life,
I want to receive
it as the blessing it is:
more of You!

Join your senses in experiencing Jesus first-hand

Have you heard
Him, lately,
calling you?
He’s been
whispering His favorite
name for you,
“Daughter…”
Have you taken
a look, lately,
inside His heart?
There He hides
the treasures
you’ve been looking for
everywhere else.
Have you breathed
the aroma, lately, of His
delight in you?
The scent will
change everything
once it
fills you.
Have you tasted,
lately, a morsel
of His grace?
It will awaken
desire for Him
in your mouth, your soul,
your life!
Have you touched,
lately, the scars
that have made you alive?
They are the very holes
that endure in Him
to make you
whole.

I know Hope best when I’m closer to the Calvary-version of me than the Hollywood-version

My growing up years
were lived out
on the stage
of a drama
that hurt me
in many ways.
It occurred to me,
at some point,
that I could protect
myself from what was
going on if I could
adopt the mindset that
I was participating in
an undercover action-
adventure assignment.
My job was to come through
as unscathed as possible,
becoming a hero along
the way, if possible.
Contrary to my expectations,
even to this day,
carrying out that mission
has not worked out as well
as I imagined it should.
Bummer.
What to do when the Hollywood version
of your life doesn’t work out
and you look nothing like the star
you believe you must be…

We all have that problem at times in
our lives. God doesn’t guarantee
seasons that break up the soil
of our hearts won’t come our way.
But the promise, on which we build our
heart’s bond with hope, is this:
God will never fail us in being
the Hero of our story.
Calvary was the climax–nothing you walk
through today will undermine all He
accomplished in that scene.
The task remains for you to walk through
each proceeding event in your now
Christ-dominated life, asking,
What is the relationship between this
scene I’m in and THAT scene?

He’s faithful and will make us faithful, though the process hurts

Reversal, Lord–constant reversal!
Every bit of walking in Your direction
has been about
saying no to what has seemed good to me
and turning around to say yes
to what I know seems good to You.
How this process
has stretched my heart–
often in ways I believed
would leave it permanently misshapen.
But You have remained faithful.
You have shown me
what love means:
Choosing to walk with the One
I have committed to,
that He may ever have the fullest joy
of His commitment to me.

What if I didn’t need You?

My heart rests in Your hands–
able to do nothing
to support its life–
yet rather than be afraid,
my heart is so pleased:
what I would miss
of Your touch
if I could give myself
all the care that draws
me near to You!